


Run Back Home

by showmeyourtardis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Gen, Get together fic, M/M, Marauders' Era, Marriage, On the Run, Reunions, Reunited and It Feels So Good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 18:51:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3421706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/showmeyourtardis/pseuds/showmeyourtardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius has been M.I.A. For the past year. He returns home for his best friend's wedding. More accurately, he returns home to stop his best friend's wedding. </p><p>***</p><p>“Does a sudden marriage to a woman he's known for less than a year, seem like a thing Moony would do? Without the war, just, just think about it. He wouldn't do it, and you know it.” </p><p>To her credit, Lily actually seemed to think about it. Not for long though, “He's doing it, so it doesn't matter if we think it's not a thing he would do, because he is doing it.” </p><p>“Not for the right reasons!” Sirius said vehemently, he needed her to understand. If he was going to break up this wedding, he needed her help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Run Back Home

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, so this happened really fast.  
> I'd like to rename this fic "my trip to work is really long and occasionally inspirational."  
> I had intended just a short one-shot, but what can I say? I like reunions.

Sirius almost fell in his haste to get off his motorbike. He was not used to having human legs. Without bothering to check if his bike was safely locked up, he sprinted up the pathway. He almost stumbled several times, tripping over loose stones and getting back into the memory of using just two legs. He prayed he wasn't too late. He prayed he hadn't missed it.

His chest ached, his lungs felt cramped, and his heart beat furiously – though whether it was from the exertion or from what Sirius was about to, he couldn't tell. He just ran. That was all he could do for now, so it was all he did. Running, and panting, and praying.

He almost crashed into the wood door of the cottage. He threw it open with an echoing bang, and stepped inside. He felt instantly out of place amongst the delicate trinkets and ornate plates that decorated the cottage's hallway. His hair was chaotic, his skin sweaty, his clothes crumpled and covered in dirt. He was not supposed to be here.

Sirius pushed away thoughts of how he didn't belong, and set off. Slower this time, he walked down the hallway, trying to work out where the groom would be. Where did the groom stay hours before the wedding?

He probably had his own room, staring at his reflection and neatening his hair for the thousandth time. Or maybe he was busy sorting out a few minor decoration details, to make everything perfect for his bride. Or maybe, and Sirius thought this was most likely, he was freaking out somewhere asking his best man if he was making the right decision.

Which he wasn't, of course, but he would have to wait for Sirius to tell him that.

Numbered doors lined the hallway, interspersed with pictures of flowers, or vases with flowers, or windows with flower boxes on them. There were a lot of flowers. Had Sirius not been in such a rush, he would have scoffed at them. But right now the weight of what he was doing was keeping his mind focused. He had never been more focused than he was right now, desperately trying to locate the groom before it was too late.

Which was why, when a door opened a few steps behind him, he didn't notice. And when a familiar red head stepped out and almost gasped when she saw him, he didn't notice. He did, however, notice when his hair was pulled rather harshly, and he was dragged back into the room the red head had appeared from.

“OW! Fuck! Lily, I didn't know you liked it so rough.” Sirius joked, rubbing his head.

She glared at him, and Sirius realised how much he'd missed her. He quit his joking and just stared at her, taking her all in. She was older – not old, but older. Her hair was shorter, cut so that the ends brushed against her bare shoulders. The eyes were the same though, glaring at him as though he'd done the worst crime possible – it was all so familiar he felt like he would break down here and now.

She was watching him as closely as he was watching her, as though trying to determine if he was real, and if he was real, trying to work out why on earth he was here. After a long moment of staring at each other silently, the two of them stepped forward simultaneously, and Sirius enveloped her in a hug. He probably smelt like mud and a manner of disgusting things, but she didn't hesitate when she buried her face in his shirt.

Abruptly she pulled away and smacked him across the face. It was so fast and so hard it was like Sirius had been struck by lightning. He gasped and held a hand to the rapidly reddening skin. He couldn't even form enough words to ask her what the fuck that was for! So instead, he just stared at her wide-eyed and slack-jawed.

She looked like she was ready to hit him again, “What the hell are you doing here!”

“I was invited!” Sirius shouted back, not entirely sure why they were yelling at each other. Lily punched him on the arm, and he moved his hand from his face to where she'd hit, “OW! Fuck! Stop hitting me!”

For such a tiny girl, she had one hell of a punch.

“IT'S BEEN A YEAR SIRIUS BLACK!” She screeched, her voice almost reaching supersonic levels, “A year! We didn't know if you were alive! No news from you at all! There's a war on, you know? You could have been dead and we wouldn't have known. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN!”

“I'm sorry, I-” 

“Oh! You're sorry! That's okay then!” Lily interrupted sarcastically, “I spent an entire year worrying about you. James very almost had a heart attack when he read your letter. Every single day he waited for news from you, and every single day I had to watch the look of heartbreak on his face. Peter cried every time someone so much as mentioned your name. Remus didn't eat for an entire month after you left! But you're _sorry_. That makes it all better.”

Sirius couldn't meet her eyes as the guilt gnawed through his stomach. He hadn't known what to expect when he came back, but he could have done without a list of all the pain he'd caused his friends. He could barely bring himself to think about them anymore without wanting to tear his own hair out. Which is why he'd spent most of his time as Padfoot.

The anger inside Lily seemed to melt away, as though she'd been holding onto it only long enough to make him feel guilty. Now that he was actually feeling guilty – almost suffocating with the shame – her voice softened, “I'm glad you're not dead.”

“I'm glad I'm not dead, too.” Sirius mumbled. Lily almost cracked a smile. Sirius took a deep breath. He knew nothing he could say would make this better, but he'd be damned if he didn't try, “I'm so sorry for everything I did. I had a good reason, but then I realised that maybe it wasn't such a good reason. I'm sorry, and I-” 

“It's okay.” She interrupted.

“Wait, just like that?”

She punched him again, but this time it was much gentler, more playful, “You're one of my best friends, Black, I'm just glad you're back.”

“Aw, Evans, I never knew you cared so much.” Sirius laughed, wrapping her in a hug again. He kissed the top of her head, and felt wetness in his eyes. He sniffed and pulled away, trying to covertly dab his eyes. He had promised himself he would not cry, no matter what happened. And yet, here he was, falling at the first hurdle.

He was glad to see he wasn't the only one crying. Lily's green eyes sparkled with tears, and she waved her hand in front of her face, trying not to ruin her make up. Sirius was suddenly so glad she'd found him. He had intended to come for the groom and leave, but now he couldn't think of a good enough reason to leave without seeing her and James and Peter.

Sirius looked around and realised he was in a bedroom, probably Lily and James's. He spun in a slow circle, if only to stop himself from crying at the sight of Lily. He stopped dead when he saw the large white garment bag hanging from the curtain pole.

“Is that...” He couldn't say it.

“The wedding dress?” Lily asked, moving to stand by his side, “Yeah, I'm the maid of honour.”

Sirius's shoulders tensed. Well, this definitely made things a lot harder. He couldn't stop staring at the dress, and he realised slowly, that he wasn't in James and Lily's bedroom. He was in the bride's bedroom, before she moved into the honeymoon suite. He felt like he was going to be sick. He pulled away from Lily and ran to the bathroom, locking the door before she could join him.

He caught sight of his mud-streaked face in the mirror, and felt even more guilt form on his shoulders. He was ruining a wedding. He was ruining the wedding of a woman he'd never met, and a man he loved. He was ruining everything.

Lily banged on the door, “Sirius? Are you okay? Do you need help?” 

“I'm... I'm fine.” Sirius lied, badly. He ran the taps and splashed icy water on his face, trying to dislodge some of the mud there. He rubbed his hands together under the stream and ran them through his hair. He looked tired, with purple bags under his eyes. He looked like a mess.

When he knew he could no longer hide in the bathroom, he steeled himself and left the room. Lily was waiting just outside the door, a mixture of worry and dawning realisation crossing her face. Sirius sidestepped her and went further into the room, before she could hit him again.

“You weren't invited were you?” Lily asked. She was still as smart as ever.

Sirius scratched the back of his neck, “I was... But not by Moony.”

“James?” Sirius nodded, and she shook her head gently. She tried to work out which question she wanted to ask first, “How?”

“He just gives a letter to an owl, and they find me.” Sirius shrugged, “I don't know how, but they always do, and they're always mildly angry when they do.”

She nodded, and asked her second question, “Why are you here?”

“He's my best friend, I'm not going to miss his wedding.”

“Okay, so why are you really here?” She said, clearly not falling for his tricks.

“I love him.” Sirius confessed, cursing his inability to keep his stupid mouth shut. She gasped and held a hand out to the wall to steady herself. Sirius watched, frozen to the spot, as his plan formed in her mind. He could tell she was quickly catching onto him.

“You came to stop the wedding.” She whispered, as though saying it any louder would make it come true. Sirius nodded, and she looked like she might cry again. He took a step towards her but hesitated before he touched her, he didn't want to push her. She looked at him with accusing eyes, and pushed away from the wall, “You can't stay here. Monica will come back soon.”

_Monica._

_That was her name._

_Soon she would be Monica Lupin._

Sirius was definitely going to throw up this time. He let Lily pull him out of the room and across the hall. They entered an exact replica of the room they had left, only everything was flipped around. Sirius knew instantly this was her and James's room, by the broomstick leaning against the bedpost. Sirius breathed out a laugh. James couldn't last even one night without his broom.

Lily pushed him onto the bed and sat down in the velvet armchair. She watched him, and he could practically see the cogs working in her brain. After another long silence, she finally spoke, “I can't let you do this to him.”

“He doesn't love her.”

“You've never even met her!”

“EXACTLY!” Sirius shouted making her jump. He sat back down on the bed he'd just leapt from, “Sorry...”

“What do you mean?”

“I left a year ago and I've never met her. Which, by definition, means that Moony has only known her for a year, less than that.” Sirius explained, carding a hand through his hair.

“So?”

Sirius thought of the best way to explain this. He decided on the abrupt, honest approach, “He's marrying her because there's a war on. Not for love. For the war.”

“So?” Lily repeated, getting angrier now, “I married James because of the war!” 

“No, you didn't.” Sirius stated calmly, “You married him because you love him. Let's face it, you two are insane, you would have married this quickly without the war. But Moony... Moony thinks _everything_ through, he plans and he completes those plans. He plans what he's going to have for breakfast a week in advance, for fuck's sakes.”

“I still don't understand.”

“Does a sudden marriage to a woman he's known for less than a year, seem like a thing Moony would do? Without the war, just, just think about it. He wouldn't do it, and you know it.” 

To her credit, Lily actually seemed to think about it. Not for long though, “He's doing it, so it doesn't matter if we  _think_ it's not a thing he would do, because he  _is_ doing it.”

“Not for the right reasons!” Sirius said vehemently, he needed her to understand. If he was going to break up this wedding, he needed her help.

“He loves her, and I'm sorry, Sirius, I really am, but he does. You don't marry someone if you don't love them,” She held her finger up to silence him, “I get it, you regret leaving him. But you did, you left, and he moved on, and I will absolutely not let you sweep back in like a tornado and hurt him again.”

Sirius didn't have a response. He just drew his knees to his chest, not caring when his muddy trainers ended up on the white bedsheets. All of this was just guilt, guilt, and more guilt. He should never have come. He should have just ignored James's letter, like he had with all the others. He should be happy Moony is getting married, not plotting how to stop it. He shouldn't be here. He should still be on the run.

Lily stood up, “Stay here. I have to go check on Monica.”

Sirius didn't respond, and she left, leaving him alone. He stared blankly at the wall, wondering what had possessed him to come here. Just because he loved Moony, didn't mean he had any right to show up and claim what he thought was his. Moony may have been his a long time ago, but Sirius had thrown all that away. Now he had to lie down in the bed he'd created, and add this moment to the list of reasons to hate himself.

He should go. If he left now, only Lily would know he'd been here. After what she'd said about James, he doubted she'd tell him. Sirius could leave like a ghost, disappear from their lives,  _again._

He had only just risen from the bed, when someone knocked on the door. Sirius panicked, picturing a woman he'd never met about to find a strange man in her maid of honour's bedroom. He looked around for an escape, and ducked into the wardrobe, holding his breath, just as the door opened. He couldn't see who it was, so he just waited for the door to close again so he could leave properly.

Only the person never left.

They started whistling.

A song that Sirius loved began to float through the room, a little off beat and even more off key, but Sirius recognised it. He recognised the whistler, and even though he knew he shouldn't, even though he knew he should be the ghost he'd become a year ago, he whistled back.

The original whistler stopped, but Sirius continued. He whistled the rest of the song, and stopped, his heart thrumming against his ribs. The wardrobe door was yanked open, and James stood there looking stunned. Sirius stepped out of the wardrobe, dragging a pair of jeans with him, and all but collapsed into James.

James remained frozen for a further few seconds, before he hugged Sirius so tightly he couldn't breathe. Sirius didn't care, he would happily suffocate in James's arms. He had missed Lily, and seeing her was like seeing sunshine after a rainy day, but seeing James was like seeing the sun after an ice age. He could only imagine what seeing Remus would be like.

He clutched at James's suit jacket, not caring that he wrinkled it.

“The prodigal son returns.” James muttered into Sirius's shoulder.

Sirius didn't want to, but those words made him push James away. Ignoring the look of hurt that crossed James's face, Sirius said, “Not for long. I... I'm going.”

“No, you're not.” James said simply, and Sirius believed him. He was completely sure that James would rather curse him a thousand times than let him walk out of this building to never return. So Sirius stepped forward again, and hugged him for longer this time. He didn't care how soppy it was, or how pathetic he felt, he cried fully this time. James cried too, his shoulders shaking as he hugged his long-lost best friend.

After a good few minutes of crying, their sobs dissolved into laughter. They laughed loudly, half sobbing, half giggling. They were filled with such ecstatic joy, they could hardly contain themselves. Only a year they'd been apart, and it was far too long. Sirius knew it would be so much harder to walk away now he'd been reunited with James, but maybe that was for the best.

Maybe leaving wasn't the best idea.

He could handle seeing Moony and Monica together... Maybe... He would really try.

“Where have you been?” James asked, finally pulling away from Sirius, and sitting down on the bed. Sirius leaned casually against the wall, and stared at him like he had with Lily. He was the same, he looked exactly how he had when Sirius had left. Like he had stopped aging the moment Sirius left. He pushed his glasses up his nose, and Sirius's entire body ached at the familiarity.

“I've been living as Padfoot.”

“That explains the smell.” James joked.

Sirius laughed, “You're a real dick, you know?”

“I know.” James said, then the smile fell from his face, “Carry on.”

“I...” Sirius slid down the wall until he was sat on the floor. He prepared himself to relive the past year for James, “I moved from hotel to hotel for a while, but then it got too hard to be away from you. To live... without you all. So I became Padfoot, and at first it was the same. It still hurt every waking second, whether I was human or dog.” James nodded, looking like his heart was breaking all over again,

“But slowly, really, really slowly,” Sirius continued, “It hurt less. Soon all that mattered was finding water and food, and keeping moving. I barely had human thoughts anymore, it was like... It was like I was a dog.”

James held his hand up, and wiped his eyes beneath his glasses, “Stop. I can't.. I can't... Just, just tell me why.”

“They want me dead.” 

“Who?”

“The Black's, my entire bloodline. The Death Eaters.” Sirius said, feeling bile crawl up his throat.

“They want us all dead.” James said.

“Yeah, but me especially. Don't you see? I defied them, I got out, I left them. They can't have a traitor in their bloodline. The night before I left, I found out they'd killed my uncle. Alphard, he left me money and it was so traitorous of him to do so, they had him killed!” Sirius was shouting again, “It was my fault they killed him, and all he did was leave me some money. Could you imagine what they would do to you, or Evans, or Wormtaill? To the order? To anyone I loved? To  _Moony_ ? I couldn't stay.”

“We would have protected you.”

“That's why I left! I know you! And Moony, and Evans, and Wormtail, and all of the order, and I know you're willingness to die for each other. I could see it all too well. I knew it from experience. They would find one of you, and rather than give me up, you'd die to save me. And I couldn't bare that thought! I couldn't bare the thought of being the reason any of you were dead!” 

“You're a fucking moron!” James shouted, standing up off the bed and towering over Sirius, “You don't get to decide who I die for! If I want to die for you Sirius fucking-idiot Black, I will, and there is nothing you can do to stop me!” 

“Prongs, it's not-” 

“Fuck you! You don't get to leave to save us. If they had come for you, they would have come for the order anyway, whether you were there or not. All you did when you left, was abandon us! Add to the worry that was already heaped so high it was threatening to suffocate us. None of us knew you were alive, and every day, every _single damn day_ I didn't hear from you, was like another knife through my heart. Fuck you!”

Sirius was once again lost for words. James's words were like a ton of bricks dropping onto Sirius, burying him. He waited for James to stop glaring at him. He did, eventually, and sat cross-legged in front of Sirius on the floor. He ran a hand through his already mussed up hair, and fiddled with his suit jacket, “I could go for a cigarette right about now.”

Despite the tension in his shoulders, Sirius laughed, “I gave up, I guess. Dogs don't exactly smoke.”

James eyed him mischievously, “We could fix that, I'm sure I could find a pack somewhere.”

Sirius shook his head, and swallowed, “No, but I could really go for a drink.”

James stood up, and walked towards his trunk. He rummaged through it for a while, mumbling to himself about  _“it must be here somewhere”_ and Sirius watched with interest. Half his mind was still occupied with Moony, but if James was here talking to Sirius, that at least told him the wedding wasn't happening for a while. Sirius had time to catch up with his brother. James came back over, carrying a bottle of honey coloured liquid.

He offered it to Sirius first, and Sirius opened it eagerly. He swigged at the firewhiskey, feeling the familiar burn spread through him. He shut his eyes and was transported to a dorm room in an old castle. He could almost feel Moony's head in his lap, as he rambled on about unfair exam schedules coinciding with the full moon _._ He could almost hear James whine on about Lily not loving him, and Peter complaining about all the Muggle Studies homework he'd been given.

Sirius opened his eyes and passed the bottle to James, hoping his thoughts hadn't been evident on his face, and wondering when it all gotten so complicated. When four boys in a dorm room had become four boys fighting a war that was bigger than all of them.

“Come home.” James said softly, without drinking.

“I don't have a home.” Sirius answered, barely hesitating.

“Bullshit!” James snapped, and Sirius flinched at his voice. He settled down quickly, reaching out to clasp Sirius's shoulder, “I'm your home.”

“Hey, Prongs, when did you grow a vagina?” Sirius mocked.

“Shut up. Me, Moony, and Wormtail are your home, you complete idiot. Merlin, has living as Padfoot completely destroyed all your brain cells?”

"You're Lily's home.”

“What? I can't be more than one person's home?”

“I think this metaphor has gone a bit awry.” Sirius laughed.

“Please, just come home, Sirius.” James begged, “I mean it. There will always be room in my house for you, that's been true since we were fourteen and it will be true until I die.”

“What about when you have kids, Prongs? Would you really want a living target in your home?” Sirius asked bitterly.

“Well, speaking of kids...”

“No.” Sirius said, feeling his mouth fall open.

James could barely contain his excitement as he nodded, “Three months.”

“Merlin, you guys work fast, don't you? Congratulations, you giant dick!” Sirius said, dragging James into an awkward sat down hug. He couldn't believe James and Lily were going to have a baby in half a year. With everything that was going on, Sirius could use some good news, and here it was. He laughed into James's shoulder and pulled away, ruffling his hair affectionately.

“So there! I'm having a kid, and I still want you to come home.” James said earnestly.

Sirius thought about it. He thought about the idea of returning to Padfoot now. It would be like he was starting all over again, trying to forget his friends again. It would hurt, waking up would hurt, moving would hurt, everything would be full of pain. He was still a target, he was a giant flashing sign for the Death Eaters and his family, but he didn't care anymore. He couldn't bring himself to leave them again. He'd barely managed to do it the first time.

“ _Fine._ ” Sirius said, watching the joy flash across James's face uncontained. Sirius laughed, and then fell serious again, “On one condition.” 

“Hm?”

“I want to come home, but I can't without him.”

“Oh..” James said, and he was as quick as his wife when it came to figuring out Sirius's plans. He took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling. He reached for the firewhiskey and took a long swig. He passed the bottle to Sirius and clenched and unclenched his fists, as he thought.

Finally, after the longest moment of Sirius's life, he spoke, “I can't promise anything. I can't promise he'll runaway with you, I can't promise he'll even speak to you. I can only promise two things.”

Sirius waited, and James held up one finger, “One, I can promise to let you see him.” He held up his second finger, as Sirius's chest swelled with excitement, “and two, I can promise he'll kill me afterward.” 

Sirius laughed, and followed James out of his room.

**~*~*~*~**

Silence. There was a lot of silence when you return home after running away, Sirius had found. He felt like he should say something, but no words came out. His mouth opened and closed silently like a fish gasping in the air.

Remus looked incredible. He looked the same, and yet so different. He seemed to have aged quicker than anyone Sirius had been reunited with, and he guessed he knew why. Missing Sirius, twelve months of transformations, a wedding to plan, the war, everything, had greyed his hair and lined his eyes. He was twenty years old, and yet he looked twice that.

He was still utterly and completely beautiful though. He was still everything Sirius wanted, and so much more than he deserved. Remus stood stock-still, staring at Sirius as though he was going to disappear if he looked away, in his wedding suit. His tie wasn't tied yet, and it hung loosely around his neck.

Sirius stepped forward and froze when his fingers touched the tie. James had left them alone, getting Sirius to Remus's door, before walking off to intercept and distract Lily long enough for them to talk. It was just him and Remus alone, and Sirius realised this when he touched the tie. When he touched the man he'd missed more than anyone else in the entire world. He let his hand drop to the side.

Remus was the first to speak, “What? I mean... What? What are you... What?”

“I'm back...” Sirius said lamely, wishing he'd prepared more. This kind of moment required a giant heart-felt speech, explaining why he didn't deserve Remus back, but why he wanted him anyway.

“I can see that... I mean, what....” Remus shut his eyes with a shaky sigh, and rubbed them, “I don't understand.” 

“I came for your wedding.”

“I didn't invite you.”

“I know, I thought...” Sirius chickened out at last minute, “Prongs invited me, and I wasn't going to miss my best friend's wedding, was I?”

Remus shoved away from Sirius suddenly, “What are you doing here!”

“I just told you.” Sirius said, he had grown to expect anger now, and wasn't at all shocked when Remus raised his voice. He merely turned slowly to watch Remus pace around the room.

“You didn't come here to congratulate me.” Remus said angrily, proving once and for all that he was the smartest of The Marauders. He could see through Sirius like he was made of glass, and he was not, for one second, going to believe a lie out of his mouth.

So Sirius settled on the truth.

_Heart-felt speech,_ he reminded himself.

“No, I didn't.” Remus glared at him, but Sirius didn't falter. He looked directly into those green eyes, so full of hate, “I came to apologise. And I know, I know it will never be enough. I know there's nothing I can say to make you forgive me, but I have to say it anyway. I have to tell you I love you. I have to tell you even if you never want to hear it again.”

“ Are you just going to pretend you didn't up and leave me?” Remus asked, and Sirius flinched when his voice broke on the word  _me._ He found himself speechless, not for the first time, and waited instead for Remus to continue.

He was pacing again, trying to figure out how best to express the mess of feelings in his head. Sirius felt for him, he felt the same. So confused, so torn up inside. Remus stopped pacing and pinned him with a look, “You sent Prongs a goodbye.”

He sounded so heartbroken, Sirius thought he might cry again. He was going to tear his hair out, and scream until Remus stopped sounding so sad. He never wanted this. He never wanted them to feel pain, he thought he could lift out of their lives, but he had left wounds deeper than he'd expected. He didn't deserve them, he certainly didn't deserve James's unflinching support. He didn't even deserve to listen to Remus be hurt over him, he deserved to be laughed out of the building. Kicked out and told he meant nothing to them.

That would be easier than this.

Anything would be easier than this.

“You said goodbye to him.” Remus continued when Sirius didn't say anything, “But not to me. Even though...” Remus looked out the window, as though remembering the night Sirius had left, “Even though I was right next to you in bed. I was in the same bed as you, and you still couldn't be bothered to say goodbye to me? Is that how little I meant to you?”

Sirius noticed the past tense, and a shiver ran down his spine, “No, you mean everything to me.”

“THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!” Remus shouted, and Sirius's heart broke more than he ever thought it could. Remus swiped angrily at the tears pouring down his cheeks, he looked ashamed at his outburst, angry at himself for reacting like this. He calmed down, appealing to Sirius, “Am I the reason you left?”

Sirius nodded, and Remus looked like he'd just been slapped in the face. A calm mask fell over his face, a resolve. And when he spoke, his voice held no inflection, “You should go. There's no room for you in this wedding.” 

He turned to leave, pulling the door open, but Sirius stopped him, slammed the door shut forcefully. He was pressed so close to Remus he could smell his aftershave and his shampoo, and it hurt, but he squashed down his feelings of hurt. He squashed everything inside him down, because none of that mattered. All that mattered was Remus. He needed to understand why he'd left, even if it didn't change anything.

Even if Remus went out and married Monica, and had kids and lived his live without Sirius, it wouldn't matter, because he would know Sirius didn't leave him because he didn't love him. Sirius didn't leave him because he wanted to escape him.

“I love you.” Sirius whispered, scared that if he spoke any louder Remus would apparate away, “That's why I left.”

“Liar.” Remus said, shaking his head furiously, “No one leaves because they love someone. That's just something they say to comfort themselves.  _Oh I left because I loved them too much._ No you didn't, you left because you didn't love me enough.”

“ Listen to me!” Sirius begged, taking Remus's face in his hands gently. He was crying again, but he didn't bother to wipe his tears away, it didn't matter. “I loved you too much to watch you die because of me. If I left I thought you'd be safe, and if I told you I was leaving, I knew you'd stop me. That's why I never said goodbye, that's why I left while you were asleep. Walking away from you while you were asleep was hard enough, I couldn't imagine doing it while you were awake.”

Remus didn't say anything, but he didn't shake away from Sirius's grasp either. Sirius continued, before he lost courage, “I tried to write you a letter like I did Prongs, but every time I wrote your name, I chickened out. I knew, deep down, that there was no reason good enough for leaving you, so I tried to avoid a goodbye... Maybe to pretend that it wasn't actually goodbye. I still love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life – don't tell Prongs – and I can't bare to watch you marry someone else.” 

Remus opened his mouth, but Sirius silenced him with his words, “But, if you tell me here and now that you truly love her. That you both want to marry each other for love, and not just to avoid spending the war alone, I will leave. I will leave your life and never return, if that's what you want. But,” Sirius took a deep breath, steeling himself, “If you tell me you love me too, I have a motorbike waiting outside. We can runaway together.”

Remus didn't say anything for a long time, and Sirius took it as the final nail being hammered into his figurative coffin. He would leave. He had promised Prongs he'd stay on one condition, so he wasn't breaking his promise. He released Remus's face, shutting his eyes so it would hurt less. He couldn't watch Remus walk away from him, like he hadn't been able to make Remus watch him walk away.

So he shut his eyes, to make it easier, to make it like he was asleep, and this time it was Remus leaving.

He wasn't expecting Remus to take his face in his hands, and press his forehead against his tenderly. Sirius leaned into the touch, and waited for the words. They came shortly after, in a whisper so quiet, Sirius barely heard, “I love you too.”

Sirius opened his eyes, and a smile crept across his face, “Runaway with me.” 

“No.” Remus said, and before Sirius could even register the word, he said, “But I will run home with you.”

“Deal.” Sirius whispered, and then they were running. They were tearing out of the room and down the corridor, thankful that no one was outside. They ran back the way Sirius had come, unstoppable, back out onto the cobblestone path.

They sprinted to his motorbike and Sirius clambered on. Remus got on behind him, and wrapped his arms around his waist. It was already so much like coming home, Remus's arms around his waist and his face nuzzled into his neck, was home. He was already home.

“This is a terrible idea.” Remus whispered, and Sirius started the engine.

“Yep.” Sirius said, kicking the motorbike off and spinning around in a circle. The wind picked up in his hair, sending it flying around his face, and he set off. The bike took them careening back the way Sirius had come earlier, and towards the main road at the bottom.

Before they reached the exit, Sirius was forced to slow down. Three people stood at the bottom of the driveway, blocking their exit. Sirius stopped then, and the two groups stared at each other for an extended pause. Before the three of them – James, Lily, and Peter – broke into matching smiles and stepped out the way.

“Where are you going?” Peter called over the roar of Sirius's motorbike.

Sirius twisted to smile at Remus behind him, and shrugged, “Home?”

Remus let out a laugh so beautiful Sirius grinned from ear to ear.

“Home.” He confirmed. Sirius kicked the motorbike off again, and they whizzed out onto the main road. They turned left and they sped off, leaving the tiny cottage in the distance.

Sirius had no destination in mind. He had no idea where he was going. He was already home. So he would just ride, until the time called for him to stop. And really, as long as he was with Moony, it didn't matter where they were.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Some of you may feel bad for Monica, but don't worry, I didn't explicitly say it, but she too - like Remus - was just marrying because of the war. No one wants to spend a war alone, do they? 
> 
> Bit of a sappy ending, but I love these giant dorks so I want them to be happy!


End file.
